The Adequate Blog

• No one cares about who you used to be at Faire. They’re concerned with you are are now.
• Remember that weeks and sometimes entire months go by between weekends at Faire, and that during this time, something called “life” happens.
• Damp haybales don’t dry out if you’re sitting on them.
• Going to restaurants in costume begins  to pale after a decade
• If you can’t figure you who they’re yelling at to “make way” - it’s you
• When in doubt, if they’re well dressed they’re “my lord” or “my lady”, if they’re in peasant garb, they’re “good coz” if they’re customrs, go with “my lord” or “my lady” again.
• When in doubt among the nobles, gibber and grovel. Works wonders.
• It takes more skill to fail spectacularly than to succeed in a dull manner.
• Never underestimate the power of a well-timed spit-take

• The Video Camera Cyclops
• Don’t Know the Name but I Remember the Costume!
• The Missing Link (including Legend of Zelda sword, shield, hat, pointy ears…)
• Swarm of Disturbingly Well-Developed Underage Girls
• The Studly One - Everything’s studded! (Belt, wristbands, boots, tankard, eyebrow, nose…)
• Scottish Minimalism: Kilt. Sword. Boots. Whiskey.
• The Cluster of Mongers, All Shouting
• The Wench Walk
• The SCARY Wench Walk
• God Save The Queen! (aka: Bearded guy in Female Period Costume)
• The Man with the Comically Oversize Weapon
• Off-Duty Parade Person with Something On A Stick
• The Dark Knight (Full plate armor, bat symbol on chest, pointy ears on helm)
• Mister Patiently Waiting For His Wife To Come Out of the Dressmaker’s Booth
• Monty Python Monks (Iesu Domine *WHACK* Donna Aeis Requiem *WHACK*)

• No matter where you are, the Parade is always coming right at you.
• Dust. Water. They’re everywhere. Get used to it.
• If everyone around you is shouting, react silently. This will cause people to pay attention to  you.
• It’s not raining on you, it’s raining on everybody.
• You can attract more attention to yourself with a shortbread cookie than with a $300 costume (or massive cleavage).
• A “Faire Find” is someone else’s loss. How you handle this fact is entirely up to you.
• If you don’t take yourself seriously, you’ll be suprised at how many peope do.

A professional is a guy who can do it twice!

- Dizzy Gillespie, in an interview with Paul Halmill

I ran into this quote in a slim tome entitled Why Sinatra Matters (which is also a good read if you’re one of those young guys who doesn’t understand where there was so much hubbub about an the guy who sang “My Way”) and it stuck with me because it’s true.  Consistancy, or at least the ability to create quality results, is the key to being a professional performer.

… so how does this tie in with Magic? Well, Magic as a performing art is all about achieving the seeminly impossible through the manipulation of the environment in ways the audience isn’t aware of… most magicians I know of tend to focus on getting the mechanics right - your hand goes here, you turn this way, you look here, and bingo - magic.

The problem is that we focus on the mechanics to the point that the mechanics are all the audience sees. We also need to keep the magic itself fresh - I go back to my theatrical heritage for this - You have to present the magic as it it was the very first time this was happening to you, as well as to your audience. Otherwise you’re just moving your hands around.

… how does this tie in with Faire? That should be pretty obvious by now - we focus on the improvisational nature of the Renaissance Faire environment, but at the same time we need to be able to produce consistant results - the audience is entertained and they want to come back and see more. It’s very easy to go on “auto-pilot” with some gigs and bits of business, or to just fire-hose things  out at the crowd because if you’re standing still, your audience changes every 30 seconds. Experimentation is good, but remember that you want keep your batting average about .300 in this arena - Find the bits that work, polish them and use them wisely.

… because the professional is the guy who can do it twice.

…. moving away from Cheap Magic, let’s look at cheapness uh, frugality in Faire…

• Bring  most of your food and beverages with you - Yes, it meas you’re hauling more stuff onto site, but even bread, cheese and summer sausage bought “off site” will cost maybe 30% of what you’re going to pay for it at a food booth.
  You’ll notice I said “most” - it’s ok to budget yourself  few indulgences from the food and drink booths - but if you’re going to be frugal, make them indulgences and not Standard Operating Procedure.
• Look for non-faire sources for basics - I love our artisans and the wonderful things they make, but if you’re working on a budget, the basic pieces you use can come from anywhere, thrift stores, discount shops, hardware stores (nailer’s belt pouch: $10. Nuff said.).
• Plan on one”big” treat for yourself each Faire - This sets your own expectations and should help cut down on Sudden Impulse Purchase Syndrome.
  A corollary guideline is Look for little inexpensive gifts for Birthdays and Christmas at Faire.  Good artisans have little “Fin-catcher*” items available as well as their larger, more expensive goods.  And if you’re able to spend five or ten dollars on gifts for others over the course of a long-run faire, you’re also nailing down the Christmas Gift issue way early.

* “Fin-catcher” - An old vendor term for items which are of quality consistant with their more expensive wares, but only cost five dollars or so.

… If you’re going to be performing at Faires which offer compensation, you’re going to have to confront the “how much should I ask to be paid” question.

The best guideline I can give is to determine your Cost Plus Profit rate.

In this case, Cost is what it costs you to perform - this includes

• Travel Costs (airfare? gas? car rental)
• Lodging (hotel? camper? tent? crash space at a friend
• Food and Living Expenses

When calculating your rate, think about how much is costs to get you there, and back, in one piece. Once you’ve got an idea of what your average is, double it so that  you have a 50/50 ratio of Cost Plus Profit.

This may not be your best rate, but it’s a good place to start.  There may be gigs which cost more, and gigs which cost less, but if you have a solid base rate and are willing to negotiate for options to mitigate costs such as passing the hat, performing more shows, etc, you should be able to make yourself attractive to show producers.

I’d also suggest taking the bold step of asking your producers what they offer on average for your type of act.   I was very fortunate in that one of the producers in my area was willing to give ranges for several types of acts based on how established and well-known they are. This gave me a realistic basis for developing my own rate.

I’ve been thinking about how much stuff I tote around when I work Faires - I’ve mentioned before that I’m a great believer in infrastructure - but when it comes down to it, there is an ABM - an Absolute Bare Minimum - that I’d want to pack in and out.

If you’re starting to work / perform at faires, don’t have a full “kit”, and are looking to get the most out of what little funds you have for this wacky pastime, here’s what I recommend:

• A washable blanket - something along the lines of a stadium blanket or even a piece of polar fleece in earth tones or neutrals. You can use this as seating, a wrap, or to hide those pesky modern things if opening parade hits and your stuff is still in plain view.
• A tarp - for under your blanket if you’re on damp or mushy ground, or over your gear backstage to keep the rain or other nature off it
• A plate, fork, spoon and knife - I went about this the usual way by hitting the local thrift shops, but you lucky kids today can just go to your local socially and environmentally aware grocery store and pick up “disposable” bamboo plates and eating utensils for a fraction of what us old guys used to spend.  And bamboo is a wood product so it’s as “period” as necessary.
• A beverage vessel - another good cause for hitting the local thrift or charity stores - pewter, brass, even stainless steel if it doesn’t look too modern. Wood is great, but you’ll need to look into sealing the inside.
• Trash bags - because humans generate garbage, and your tarp may not be big enough once you’ve got stuff spread out
• A small, soft-sided cooler - For your food (you are going to be frugal and bring at least some of what you’re going to consume at faire, aren’t you?)
• Something to carry it all in - preferably something with wheels if you can manage it. These days you can get a pretty nifty rolling shopping card / folding box on wheels for not too much, and you will appreciate the slight increase in expense at the end of a 3 day weekend when you have to haul your gear alllll the way out to performer parking. Way… out… there.

Of course, there’s also your costume and other props, so you should factor that stuff into the capacity of your carrying thingy.   The good news is that everything I’ve mentioned can be bought “off the shelf” at thrift and sporting supply shops… or if you’re willing to spend a little more time, you can spend less money and get the raw bits and do some sewing and sawing to make a custom ABM kit.

Environmental performances - like Renaissance Faires - are fertile ground for planting “Mythology”. All groups have their own little myths and legends*… so why not create your own?

Faire Mythology is successful because of

Rule One: Inexplicable Behavior at Faire… Works.

If you do something that has no logical explanation… people will in fact stop to watch you***.   So why not brainstorm a series of illogical activities and … try and find an internal logic to tie them together.  It doesn’t have to be a vast, sweeping epic - just “I’m going to do A at about 11:30, B at 2pm, and C after the joust to arrive at D just before closing.”

Not everyone will see it, yes. And it’s not the same as “LOOK AT ME I AM A BRILLIANT IMPROVISATIONAL THESPIAN!!!!1!”… but it may well send people home with a story to tell.

I’m going to try it this season - try to build a little portable mythology for the short run faires I perform at… I’m not sure what it’ll turn into, but if you see a strangely dressed hack magician carefully adjusting an object just off to the side of the “road” at Faire… that might be me.

* For the SeaDogs of Saint Dymphna, it’s the ferocious, horrible AlbaSquid - the Unnatural offspring of a squid and an albatross.**

** You have to get the albatross really drunk.

*** This also explains why Jugglers and Magicians get work at Renaissance Faires. 

… coming up on my 2009 Faire season, I thought I’d ramble off a short list (short - HA!) of my favorite things at Faire

• Watching the Site Go Up - yes, it’s a madhouse. Yes, I’m a stage act and as such, don’t always have to put together my own performance space, but it’s amazing and somehow reassuring to walk through what was an empty park and see it turn into a small, bustling village in a matter of hours.
•  The stars overhead at night -  Faires tend to happen in out of the way places. Places which don’t catch so much of the “light pollution” that big cities generate, so the stars are brighter, and more plentiful.
• That “New Privy” Phenomenon - Ok this one’s a little iffy but I’ll keep it clean. There’s a moment when you encounter a priv that has been cleaned recently enough that it is, in fact, freaking pristine and also dry* … and you’re the first one in there.  It’s like discovering the Northwest Passage and the Holy Grail all at once, my friends.
• The Renaissance Faire Soundtrack - find yourself a quiet spot backstage, pull up a bench or haybale, lean against a back wall, close your eyes, and listen - there’s so many layers of things going on… this also works out in the Real World.
• Smile - Nod - Yes I Know You From Faire - No I Don’t Remember Your Name Either - I don’t think I need to explain this one. But it tickles me nonetheless.
• The AfterShow - Unlike, say, shows in big cities, the AfterShow for me is a chance to sit down and review what happened. A chance to turn the personality back down to 6 from 11 (or possibly 12) on stage.
• The Bug Out After Faire - If I don’t have to haul myself to the airport ASAP, I love watching Faire come down - It just reminds me of the closing credits of The Sting… and that MASH episode “Bug Out”.  It doesn’t hurt that, again, I usually am not frantically tearing things down.
• The Traditional Stop at the 7-11 After the Day - For once I feel justified in buying that packet of red bites and the 1 liter of Diet Coke!

These are a few of my favorite things - what are yours?

* Privies or Port-a-Johns are cleaned through the vigorous application of water and cleanser. Through a hose. And a mop. And then the door is allowed to close. So drying occurs thorugh evaporation. Now you know… the rest of the story.

I’m sure that everyone out there has, at one time or another, sent away for some amazing thing only to say to themselves, once the box arrives and it’s been opened…

Oh, is that all?

Buyer’s Remorse happens to everyone, but I suspect it happens to magicians more often than any other subculture. At least partially because of the nature of what we buy.

Magicians buy secrets - and as the character Jonathan Creek put so well in the BBC TV Series by the same name, “The actual secrets of magic are so banal as to be terribly dissappointing.”

 I’m speaking to you from about a decade of “Oh is that all?”here, so here are some tips on avoiding Magician’s Remorse, building out from my Cheap Magic Rules! post.

• Patience, Grasshopper: Avoid Impuse Buying. A magician in a magic shop is like a kid in candy store, only with more disposable income.  And while there are some really good magic shops out there which won’t do it, remember that they’re trying to pay the rent and many will gently nudge you into buying far more than you came in for.
• Research! Research! Research!  Use that there intertubes thing and see if you can get a description of the trick beyond the ad copy. Check your books (you do have a small but useful library of magic books , right? Right?
• See Multiple Demos - That video you saw on the magic web site was likely practiced, edited, tweaked, polished, given a cutting edge sound track, and above all else made to make the trick look as good as possible.  Check for other demos - people who bought the trick trying it out*,  get to an actual bricks and mortar shop and get a demo if you can. You may find that the mechanics are different when you see it “live”.  Or they may look… strikingly familiar to something you already own that you could adapt…
• Get A Second Opinion,and a Third - Talk about the trick with someone you can count on to be patient (patient enough to listen to you) and honest enough to tell  you if the trick doesn’t sound right for you.  And after you’ve talked to  your magician friends… talk to a non-magician - yes, this means your SO or non-magic-geek friends. Just ask them if this trick sounds like something they could see you performing and describe it the way you saw it demo’d. And if they say “no,” think about that as you make your decision.
• Ask 3 Times: Do I need this? Heck, this is a good guideline for darn near anything that’s not necessary to human survival… but I put it in here because of that whole Kid/Candy Store thing I mentioned earlier.

… hopefully these suggestions will help keep you away from another outbreak of Magician’s Remorse.  This is stuff I had to learn the hard way, so please, benefit from my life lessons!

* It amazes me how many people buy a new, cool trick, try it twice, and then video themselves doing it with only a few hours of practice. Makes my head hurt, really.  But that’s another rant…