The Adequate Blog

http://thingsyourarelyhearthequeensay.tumblr.com - Being a compilation of dyverse and various statements, epithets, aphorisms and ejeculations one would rarely hear issue from the mouth of Her Most Royal Majestie, Elizabeth Regina Gloriana, Queene of All Englande, Scotland and Ireland. God Save the Queene!

Safe for work as the language is suggestive but not overt.

Not really safe for historical accuracy types.

True to my prediction, I woke up at 4:00 am Sunday Morning. It helped that I went to bed at nine.

Up, shower, groom, dress, check out - and I’m there in front of the event center at 4;30, the THIRD person in line.

Fastwind through THREE hours or so of hanging out, talking, schmoozing. And we’re inside.
The first thing that happens is that we wind up in a ‘holding room’. This is not too bad - I can sit down, inside, and I chat with a couple of production assistants. The fez, it seems, has a visual appeal. More on this in a moment.

After a bit, a director - actually TWO directors with megaphones come out and take turns setting up shots. The first set uses everyone and a big honking camera on a 360 degree boom… that big ‘millions of people screaming and cheering’ shot. I hang out in the back for a bit, and then the director calls for

“Man in a green fez!”

That’d be me. ‘Scuse me pardon me pardon me ’scuse me pardon me hello!

“Can you say ‘Welcome to Seattle’ all bit and theatrically?”

(ehem)

(booming voice) WELCOME! TO! SEATTLE!!!!

Director jumps a little, big eyes. “Yes that will do nicely.” Very British, this director. Soo… surrounded by people, With the camera about THIS CLOSE to me… I do my thing and make with the big booming laugh while everyone around me cheers and screams - the camera boom pivots through three full circles. Cool.

Now I have another line…

WELCOME BACK! TO! SEATTLE! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

more cheering, screaming, etc. There’s a lot of this. I would not be *too* suprised if this shows up on TV regardless. The directors, they feel I is photogenic.

More screaming, waving, cheering shots. People around me are beginning to grouse, although we’ve really only been doing it for an hour or so. This is what TV is like, people - lots and lots of shots for a very little amount of actual airtime. Relax.

Eventually, I go to audition. My audition came in two phases.

Phase One: British Assistant Director. I do my speil, he’s amused, he asks me about mentioning “Tommy Cooper” and “Ali Bongo” in my “influences” list (ah hah!), asks me what other tricks I do. I give them some “Art” to go with the “Pain” of the chain trick. I mention the card mallet and, with the assitance of yet another PA do the World’s Most Difficult Card trick. Amusement. I go back out, vibrating.,

They send me up to the executive director to try out.

Now I am vibrating quite a bit.

Upstairs, I am the first person they see. Hooboy.

I start my spiel, giving them the Art or Pain bit. I narrowly sidestep their request for “Art” because, as I mention, the live audience I work rarely if EVER do art. The spiel runs it course 1… 2… 3…

… the chain seizes. No I still don’t know why it didn’t go smoothly,

BUT. I am a professional.

“Now this is what we magicians call an error. But don’t worry. We can fix that in post-production.”

THIS gets laughter from the people behind the table. I redo - it works. yay!

I then show them some Art to go with the pain.

So, what did I learn?

• Bring a folding chair if you’re going to be out there at 4:30
• Also: a blanket or heavy coat
• The Fez, it has power
• Plan for 90 seconds but bring enough for 5 minutes (modular plotting helps here)
• Don’t Panic If Something Goes Sideways ™
• And… this show happens seasonally. So I’ll prep for the next season regardless.

I feel good. It was a worthwhile exercise andI I’m going to keep an eye on the show to see if I show up on screen regardless. Becos then I can legitimately put ‘AS SEEN ON AMERICA’S GOT TALENT!!!’ in my resume.
I’m already planning

• Bring a folding chair if you’re going to be out there at 4:30
• Also: a blanket or heavy coat
• The Fez, it has power
• Plan for 90 seconds but bring enough for 5 minutes (modular plotting helps here)
• Don’t Panic If Something Goes Sideways ™
• And… this show happens seasonally. So I’ll prep for the next season regardless.

I feel good. It was a worthwhile exercise andI I’m going to keep an eye on the show to see if I show up on screen regardless. Becos then I can legitimately put ‘AS SEEN ON AMERICA’S GOT TALENT!!!’ in my resume.

I’m already planning for next season!

Coming up: Evolution of a new bit: The CARD MALLET!

Ok. I know I have more than a few magicians reading this blog now (Hi, folks!)

If you had to choose one, and just one trick to carry around with you - not one item but one trick which you would do when demonstrating your skill in a casual environment … that would that trick be?

I’ve thought about this a lot and to be honest, I have to go with Dan Harlan’s Starcle from his “Impromptu Magic” series. I like it because it’s quick, it’s pretty, suprising, and you can do it with any square or squareish piece of paper. Even a tissue from a tissue box (as I learned on a visit to the dentist the week before last).

… of course, I think I might, if pushed, go for one of the goofy things out of Mac King’s book Tricks With Your Head for the schitck of it.  There’s something about the Hiccup Cure trick that just amuses the heck out of me.

What trick would you choose?

• No one cares about who you used to be at Faire. They’re concerned with you are are now.
• Remember that weeks and sometimes entire months go by between weekends at Faire, and that during this time, something called “life” happens.
• Damp haybales don’t dry out if you’re sitting on them.
• Going to restaurants in costume begins  to pale after a decade
• If you can’t figure you who they’re yelling at to “make way” - it’s you
• When in doubt, if they’re well dressed they’re “my lord” or “my lady”, if they’re in peasant garb, they’re “good coz” if they’re customrs, go with “my lord” or “my lady” again.
• When in doubt among the nobles, gibber and grovel. Works wonders.
• It takes more skill to fail spectacularly than to succeed in a dull manner.
• Never underestimate the power of a well-timed spit-take

• The Video Camera Cyclops
• Don’t Know the Name but I Remember the Costume!
• The Missing Link (including Legend of Zelda sword, shield, hat, pointy ears…)
• Swarm of Disturbingly Well-Developed Underage Girls
• The Studly One - Everything’s studded! (Belt, wristbands, boots, tankard, eyebrow, nose…)
• Scottish Minimalism: Kilt. Sword. Boots. Whiskey.
• The Cluster of Mongers, All Shouting
• The Wench Walk
• The SCARY Wench Walk
• God Save The Queen! (aka: Bearded guy in Female Period Costume)
• The Man with the Comically Oversize Weapon
• Off-Duty Parade Person with Something On A Stick
• The Dark Knight (Full plate armor, bat symbol on chest, pointy ears on helm)
• Mister Patiently Waiting For His Wife To Come Out of the Dressmaker’s Booth
• Monty Python Monks (Iesu Domine *WHACK* Donna Aeis Requiem *WHACK*)

• No matter where you are, the Parade is always coming right at you.
• Dust. Water. They’re everywhere. Get used to it.
• If everyone around you is shouting, react silently. This will cause people to pay attention to  you.
• It’s not raining on you, it’s raining on everybody.
• You can attract more attention to yourself with a shortbread cookie than with a $300 costume (or massive cleavage).
• A “Faire Find” is someone else’s loss. How you handle this fact is entirely up to you.
• If you don’t take yourself seriously, you’ll be suprised at how many peope do.

Environmental performances - like Renaissance Faires - are fertile ground for planting “Mythology”. All groups have their own little myths and legends*… so why not create your own?

Faire Mythology is successful because of

Rule One: Inexplicable Behavior at Faire… Works.

If you do something that has no logical explanation… people will in fact stop to watch you***.   So why not brainstorm a series of illogical activities and … try and find an internal logic to tie them together.  It doesn’t have to be a vast, sweeping epic - just “I’m going to do A at about 11:30, B at 2pm, and C after the joust to arrive at D just before closing.”

Not everyone will see it, yes. And it’s not the same as “LOOK AT ME I AM A BRILLIANT IMPROVISATIONAL THESPIAN!!!!1!”… but it may well send people home with a story to tell.

I’m going to try it this season - try to build a little portable mythology for the short run faires I perform at… I’m not sure what it’ll turn into, but if you see a strangely dressed hack magician carefully adjusting an object just off to the side of the “road” at Faire… that might be me.

* For the SeaDogs of Saint Dymphna, it’s the ferocious, horrible AlbaSquid - the Unnatural offspring of a squid and an albatross.**

** You have to get the albatross really drunk.

*** This also explains why Jugglers and Magicians get work at Renaissance Faires. 

“Secrets are the very root of cool”. Hubertus Bigend, Spook Country by William Gibson

Magicians deal with secrets all the time - it’s what we do - having one little piece of information which makes the physically impossible occur.

So, how do you treat them?

Do you cherish your secrets? Disregard them? Ignore them?

Do you share them like family heirlooms?

Do you use your secrets to show how clever you are? How cool?

Do your secrets diminish your audience? Do they inspire? Do they bewilder?

Does your character - the magicain - stumble upon them randomly or does he swim in them the way fish swim in the ocean?

Tobias wanders around in a world filled with secrets - and only seems to notice the obvious “this is a magic trick” secrets. If he happens to have something amazing happen when he’s not actively doing a magic trick…  well, that’s just how the world works, isn’t it?

Are some secrets more secret than others?

A quick search found over 50 million results for the words “magic secrets” . That’s a heck of a lot of secrets… which don’t seem so secret now.

Tell me about your secrets, and how you handle them…

Wow. I’m surpised I hadn’t mentioned this. I’ve been cast as Sheriff Justin Forcer in Steve Taylor’s Golden Garter Melodrama , performing the week of April 15 at the Majestic Theater in Vancouver, Washington!

This is going to be a lot of fun - the entire show features the Magical Melodrama (Or is a Dead Magician An Abra-Cadaver?) and, after a brief intermission, a full on variety show!

If you’re in the area, why not spend a little of your tax refund and come out and see it?

When I was taking a seminar with Jeff McBride, Jeff busted out a very simple, very elegant and effective bit of  magic using  a rubber band (I’ll see if I can find it and if I can’t, and I can get permission from Jeff, I’ll record it and post it).  He was using it to prove a point.

After he demonstrated it, he took a quick poll of the magicians gathered to take the seminar and their response to this question: How did watching that trick make you feel?

“Confused.”

“Fooled, and not in a good way.”

“Frustrated.”

“Angry.”

My response? “Delighted.”

This, apparently is not the response most magicians give. Probably because we tend to look at a magic effect as a puzzle - something we have to suss out.  Since I came to Magic from Theatre, maybe  I looked at it as something other than a Secret I Must Know*.   It was just neat.

Now, we magicians like to talk about fooling the audience. “It’s fun to be fooled!” “The audience likes to be mystified.” “No one likes to be fooled!”

Maybe we’re too focused on fooling the audience - achieving non-linear results is of course the name of the game in Magic, but maybe we’re too focused on making certain the audience can’t figure out how we do stuff, and maybe we need to focus more on inspiring that sense of delight that I found watching Jeff McBride do something neat with a rubber band.

I’ll just put that out there. Inspire Delight.

* Jeff did in fact teach us the secret to this trick. It’s really neat.